3 Steps to making it as an Instagram Influencer

Fame. Money. Popularity. Friends. Cars. Travel. Women. Men. Non-gender specifics. Just some of the things you know you would have if you were famous on Instagram. Being a famous Hollywood actor is so 2003. It’s more of a “Holly-would” industry if you know what I mean. No, the real fame and fortune in 2019 is riding on the back of Instagram. More specifically, the fame and fortune goes to those who’ve been able to make it as an Instagram Influencer.

Let’s forget about the fact that Instagram could become the next Snapchat or Myspace in the blink of an eye if something new comes out that grabs the greater populace’s 15-minute attention span. Right now, there is a small handful of people making millions of dollars as Instagram Influencers. There are millions of people on Instagram, but not everyone is making the big bucks.

How do you become an Instagram Influencer?

Let’s blow the pond right out from under that duck, record it and post it as an Instagram story. Let’s break down the three steps to becoming an Instagram Influencer. Stop leaving all that FitnessTea-cash-dolla on the table.

Be as young as possible

34 years old? You might as well be a dead old man.

The key to becoming an Instagram Influencer is being as young as possible. 13 – 17 is perfect. 18 – 25 is the peak Influencer age. 26 – 29 better start saving for Influencer-retirement. Now, don’t let the fact that you are under the age of 18 stop you from barely wearing any clothes and sticking your ass up higher than your face in most of your Instagram posts and stories. To most that might seem like a cry for help from a broken home. To Instagram Influencers it’s the recipe to success.

If anyone points out that it’s kind of strange to have sponsored Instagram posts filled with 16-year-old girls in short-shorts, it’s clearly just the opinion of a pedophile.

Pick a niche… and grow tits

Everybody loves something. Everyone has an interest. It will make it much easier if you can find something you really love yourself, but this is Instagram and as an Influencer, it’s completely acceptable that you pretend to like almost anything. You followers might think your fit figure comes from fitness tea and squats, but in reality, it’s just good genes.

Once you’ve picked your niche, simply add a handfull of breasts. As sexist and vain as this might sound, boobs make everything better. Boobs even makes your Instagram Influence better. The more boobs, cleavage and low cut tops, the bigger your following will get. No matter what niche you choose to become an influencer in: Gaming, Entertainment, Fitness, Cannabis, Travel, Parenting, all better with tits.

Oh, and being a man is no excuse of not getting tits. If Caitlyn Jenner can do it, anyone can!

Endorse absolutely anything, as long as it fucking pays

Integrity and honesty are for losers stuck in an age where Donald Trump was still pretend-firing people. Besides, who knows how long this Instagram Influencer trend will keep going. Kim Kardashian could step in front of a bus while taking a selfie tomorrow, and it can all be over. You might as well cash in while you can. It’s not like your word is going to be paying the bills in 10 years time.

Cryptocurrency scam? No problem, especially since you are getting paid in cash. Gambling site? As long as they pay, you can keep pretending none of your millions of followers are under 18. Make-up? The eyeshadow might burn people eyelids off, but that’s ok. Your getting paid and you’ll be able to afford to buy your own make-up.

Become a successful Instagram Influencer

There you have it. The full toolkit and guide to empty morals that you need to become a successful Instagram Influencer. It’s just a matter oftime until the millions start falling into your lap and before you know it you will be rubbing shoulders with other vapid and empty humans desperate for attention. Who needs happiness when you can sit and cry in your Ferrari?

You can follow the author on Instagram: gevaaalikdotcom

You may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *