Donald Trump Appoints Jamie Vernon as Head of Federal Fact-Checking Department (FFCD)
Washington D.C.— In a move that left political analysts scratching their heads and Twitter spiralling into a meme-fueled frenzy, Donald Trump announced the appointment of Jamie Vernon, producer of The Joe Rogan Experience, as the head of the newly formed Federal Fact-Checking Department (FFCD).
“I’ve seen studies, many great studies, that show America has a huge fake news problem and it needs to be stopped. This guy’s the best, folks. Nobody fact-checks like Jamie,” Trump declared at a press conference from his Mar-a-Lago resort, where, according to sources, the FFCD’s official headquarters will be based. “He’s quick, he’s accurate, and when Joe Rogan says, ‘Pull it up, Jamie,’ boom—he pulls it up. That’s the kind of energy we need in government.”
The FFCD, described by Trump as “a department nobody’s ever seen before, but everybody’s saying it’s going to be huge,” is tasked with fact-checking media reports, political statements, and “anybody who says nasty things about me on Twitter.”
Jamie Vernon – A Revolutionary Vision for Fact-Checking
Jamie Vernon, widely known for keeping The Joe Rogan Experience somewhat on track amid discussions of alien conspiracies and elk meat diets, expressed both surprise and cautious optimism about his new role.
“I didn’t expect this, but, uh, I guess I’ll just treat it like the podcast—stay neutral and Google fast,” Vernon said during an interview. “Although I’m unsure how to fact-check half the stuff he says.”
Sources close to Vernon confirmed he has already set up his FFCD office with dual monitors, an ergonomic chair, and a strong Wi-Fi connection to ensure he can “pull up” misinformation at lightning speed. The FFCD’s internal motto, “Pull it Up for America,” was reportedly approved by Trump himself.
Policies That Keep the Internet Guessing
Critics have raised concerns about Trump’s understanding of “fact-checking,” particularly after he suggested that the FFCD should prioritize “checking facts that make me look good” and ensure “mainstream media knows who’s boss.”
When asked how the FFCD plans to handle more nuanced or politically sensitive claims, Trump responded, “Jamie’s got it. He’ll call Joe if he’s not sure. And Joe knows everything. Have you ever seen a guy like Joe? He knows UFC, he knows vitamins, and he knows fake news.”
Social Media Reacts
The announcement quickly trended on social media under the hashtag #PullItUpFFCD. Critics mocked the appointment, with one user tweeting, “Trump created a fact-checking department and hired a podcast producer. What’s next, Elon Musk running the Postal Service?” Meanwhile, Rogan fans flooded the comments with “Jamie’s built for this.”
Even Joe Rogan chimed in during a recent podcast. “You know, I think Jamie can handle it. The real question is, what’s the FFCD’s take on DMT?” Rogan mused, sending Reddit into a frenzy.
The Future of the FFCD
While many are skeptical, Trump remains confident in his choice. “Jamie is young, he’s sharp, and people love him. He’s a star. If he can handle Joe Rogan, he can handle America,” Trump said before abruptly leaving the press conference because “my McDonalds is getting cold.”
As Vernon begins his tenure, the nation waits to see if the FFCD will become a beacon of truth or just another bizarre chapter in the annals of U.S. bureaucracy. One thing’s for sure: Jamie better keep his search history clean.
