Why People Love to Hate Nickelback

Nickelback began their “musical career,” (I’m already developing a mild twitch), in the mid-late 90′s. Their first internationally recognized album “Silver Side Up” was released (from the cage it should never have been allowed to have left) in 2001. We all remember the first single off of that album – “How You Remind Me” – A song which we all squealed, standing in front of the mirror, while remembering that little bitch who gave your mate the “I love you” sucker instead of you on Valentine’s Day. Alright, so I’ll admit, I kind of liked that one – when I was 13.

Nickelback sucks

In the past few years, Nickelback have taken a whole lot of hassle from people around the globe, dubbing them ‘the worst band in the world’ amongst other, more expressive labels. The band falls under the category of ‘Flaccid Rock’ (as Gareth Wilson declares) alongside bands such as Creed (let’s not even go there) and Lifehouse. What this means, beautiful people, is that they are so painfully generic and ‘kommin’ that they have no choice BUT to suck. There are bands, such as AC/DC, who can make the 3-powerchord-thang work and then, well, we have Nickelfuck.

I struggle to decide what exactly it is about them that I hate the most – so much to select from! Is it because they are the second best selling international band in the US behind The Beatles? (Why America? WHYYYY?) Is it because Chad Kroeger’s voice unbuttons my jean-pant and grates my balls with its furry chin? Maybe it’s that long face shrouded with his macaroni-is-my-hair-long-or-short-huh hairstyle? Could it be the way he taps his leather boot at me in time with the kak song that him and his ‘team’ of music-murderers are forcing into my eardrums? All I know is when someone starts talking about them or a song starts playing on the radio – even if it’s “How You Remind Me” – my arms start flailing around wildly in search of some poor bastard’s face to look at me funny so that I can PK it.

Patrick Carney, The Black Keys drummer, made a damn good point: “Rock & roll is dying because people became OK with Nickelback being the biggest band in the world, so they became OK with the idea that the biggest rock band in the world is always going to be shit.” In other news, NHL hockey fans were not happy to find out that Nickelback were going to perform at the NHL awards ceremony and started a petition to replace them.

Here is the insert:

Nickelback is an awful band. Hockey is an amazing sport. I’m sure everyone here can agree that the NHL can do much better than Nickelback as a headliner at their awards ceremony. Please sign this petition if you want the NHL to pick a good band (any other band) to replace Nickelback in their playoff ads and at the NHL awards ceremony.

As the Urban Dictionary so adoringly states, if something ‘Rocks like Nickelback,’ well, it means that it farkin’ sucks.

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7 Responses

  1. BaasDeBeer says:

    As much as I try to respect your narrow minded, one-eyed opinion (that clearly shouts you want to be one of the cool alternative kids), I can’t.

    ek is nou net al so moeg vir die hele fok-Nickelback debate dat ek julle arme opinilose mense aan jul eie lot gaan oorlaat (en ja, jul is opinie-loos, aangesien jou opinie niks anders is as die aanneem van die gepopulariseerde opinie nie).
    Julle is net soos jocks. Net minder skeef.

    en, my usual disclaimer, alhoewel ek van seker NB songs hou, is ek nie ‘n groot fan nie. Ek is net ‘n groot van van open-mindedness.

    Anyway, still love you.
    Laat ons drink.

  2. Joe says:

    Ek vermoed dat hier iewers verwarring ingetree het, en ek voel dit is nodig om dit op te klaar.

    Ek is redelik seker dat gevaaalik.com nie bekend is vir sy intellektuele masturbasie nie. Dit is waarskynlik omdat die enigste soort masturbasie wat met gevaaalik.com gepaard gaan, eintlike masturbasie is. Daar is dus geen rede om hierdie skryfsel van Soutie so super ernstig op te neem nie. Ek het gedink ‘n sin soos hierdie sou laasgenoemde punt baie duidelik maak: “Is it because Chad Kroeger’s voice unbuttons my jean-pant and grates my balls with its furry chin?”

    As mens in gedagte hou dat gevaaalik.com ‘n humor website is, verstaan ek eintlik glad nie waarom Soutie se opinie soveel tandeknersery sou veroorsaak nie.

    Ek dink ook open-mindedness is handig. Baie handig. Ek is so open-minded dat ek hierdie stelling van jou offensive vind: “Julle is net soos jocks. Net minder skeef.” Terwyl ek kan insien dat die cliché jock ‘n paar negatiewe kwaliteite kan hê (boelie, ens.), verstaan ek nie juis waarom mens dan gay-wees ook so sien nie.

    Verder beteken open-mindedness nie dat mens opinieloos word nie. Ek stem saam, Soutie het nie juis enige konkrete redes gegee waarom hy dink Nickelback suck nie (behalwe vir die feit dat dit nie juis sy smaak is nie, wat nie tel nie), maar die post is ‘n grap, nie ‘n analise van Nickelback se musikale kwaliteit nie. Open-mindedness beteken beslis ook nie dat ons net alles moet aanvaar nie, want dan word alles goed. Insluitend Bobby van Jaarsveld.

    Ek is nie ‘n fan van Nickelback nie, maar ek haat hulle ook nie. Ek kan wel verstaan hoekom mens sou dink hulle musiek is kak. Nie omdat almal so dink nie (I could give a kangaroo’s balls about what everyone else thinks), maar omdat ek dink hulle musiek is kak omdat hulle lirieke eentonig is, en heeltyd oor dieselfde goed handel. Hier is wat ek elders geskryf het:

    Dis nie eers die feit dat die lirieke dikwels baie vervelig is nie (en dit is), dis meer dat die lirieke dikwels baie creepy ook is. Kyk wat het hierdie bra (http://www.nowtoronto.com/music/story.cfm?content=166093) byvoorbeeld oor Nickelbareback se Dark Horse geskryf:

    Chad Kroeger and co. are back with another soundtrack for date rapists everywhere. Kroeger’s voice sounds more like a wounded goat than ever before, and their blatantly recycled songs touch on familiar themes like strippers, sex, prostitutes, drugs, sex, drinking and sex. The best evidence is on the song S.E.X., where Kroeger advocates rethinking consent, singing “No is a dirty word… yes is always the answer,” or on Next Go Round, where it’s “Slap John Deere across my ass and ride me up and down the lawn.”

    Nickelback’s constant promotion of reprehensible behaviour may be über-high-concept attempt to show how creepy it is, but I seriously doubt that their Joe the Plumber following would get the message. Things get downright scary on I’d Come For You, when Kroeger threatens, “No matter what gets in my way, as long as there’s still life in me, I’ll always come for you.” Yikes!

    Yikes (gevolg deur ‘n hahaha) inderdaad.

    Kan ons dus ophou om te maak asof ons op een of ander diep vlak oor musiek filosofeer of asof ons dit benader vanuit ‘n musikaal-estetiese perspektief? Want wanneer dit daarop neerkom, is ons amper almal leke in die wêreld van musiek, hierdie is gevaaalik.com, en is Nickelback ook maar net nog populêre musiek – en dus soos meeste musiek sonder noemenswaardige substansie.

  3. Stix says:

    Ek vermoed die gay jock dink hou verband met die feit dat hulle rugby speel en hou daarvan om hul koppe tussen mekaar se gatte in te druk en in baie homo-erotiese manier aan mekaar vat en dit geniet. O en hulle klap mekaar op die gat. Maar ek ken ook vir Christo en ek vermoed hy het net ‘n grap gemaak.

  4. BaasDeBeer says:

    Wow, daai was ‘n lang post. Jy is seker ‘n librarian.
    Sien, om op stereotipes uit te haal en aan te vat is nogal pret.
    al wat actually ernstig was van my eerste comment was die idee dat ek gatvol is vir die Nickelback vs The World discussion.
    die res is eintlik erns verdoesel met lighartigheid maar op ‘n ernstig noot. Vreeslik Clockwork Orange as jy my vra. Maar moet eerder nie, want dit kan dalk ‘n kak verwysing wees.

    Oor die jocks = skeef comment voel ek wel ek moet omverskoning vra. So as ek enige van my moffie vriende offend het deur julle jocks te noem, is ek regtig jammer. I love you (maar jy kom steeds nie in my mond nie)

    Hehe, ek chat juis toevallig op my podcast oor die konsep van band hate. Sou die link na SAmusicZone dot co dot za wou opsit, maar gevaaalik se wordpress spam monster se ek spam as ek dit doen. Hehe.

    fok jocks.
    Kom ons drink.

  5. JOU Ma says:

    Ruan jys n 0

  6. Ruan Stix Fourie says:

    @JOU Ma: Eerder ‘n 0 as ‘n poes I suppose.

  1. September 5, 2012

    […] gesit om uit te vind wat ons lesers van die Kanadese rockband Nickelback dink. Dit het gekom na Soutie se post oor hoekom mense daarvan hou om vir Nickelback te haat. Ons moet wel erken dat ons nie heeltemal […]

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